Monday, February 2, 2015

Long time, no see...

It's been over two years since I posted on my blog. Maybe it's because I've been busy. Maybe it's because I've been lazy. Maybe it one of a million reasons that kept my voice silent.Most likely, it's because I was afraid that every thing I post would turn into a negative post because of how negative I have felt. But now I'm ready to jump back in. Or maybe I'm ready to dip a toe in the water and see how it feels.

I tend to avoid saying the personal shit. Mostly because one of my favorite pastimes is watching drama on Facebook so I know others are watching for it too. I belong to entire groups where we just post to send each other to check out other people's drama, then discuss it to death. I'm not sure what this says about me as a person. But I feel like sometimes that what I see on the computer or phone screen is what's really happening in a real person's life.I know I'm not alone in forgetting this. 

My daughter has been having some issues lately. Recently she ran away from home  I used Facebook as a tool at the time and it panned out. I was able to find her because of people sharing on Facebook. But I was absolutely astounded at the reaction. So many people sent me messages asking what happened or what was going on and why she would run away. People I don't know, or barely know thought that they needed to be a part of very private details of my life. People I haven't spoken to in person since the second grade sent me private messages asking for details. Strangers did the same.

Maybe it's the down fall of social media. If I've sat at home on a Saturday night and watched your very public break up the I feel like I know you a lot better than I do. If you post things that I relate to and I give the status a like, in my head it's almost like we've had a conversation and bonded over this feeling. This tricks people into thinking that they're closer to someone than they think. Because if I post a funny meme that relates to my life, yes I check to see which people like it,but a week from now I'm not going to remember that someone liked a majority of what I post so obviously this means we should be good friends. But on the other side of it, I'm going to notice when a person posts only things that I relate to and wonder if they would make a great friend in real life. 

I've had entire conversations with someone on a status and then not felt comfortable enough to say hello to them in the grocery store a week later. But I've stopped myself several times from asking someone if they're ok because I realize that I don't know them all that well and my friendly gesture might be taken as me fishing for details.

Social media has its bright sides too. I've reconnected with people I barely knew in high school and found that I've had way more in common with them than I thought, and wished that we'd been friends all of these years. I even ended up helping to plan my high school reunion, and no one who knew me in high school would have predicted that I would ever willingly even attend that thing.

In a way I'm a little envious of the kids growing up in this time. I've managed to make friends all over the United States and even in England and Australia with things in common with me that no one else would understand. Like being a mother of triplets, or a huge fan of a TV show that only lasted 4 seasons 10 years ago (Veronica Mars).

I sort of went off on a tangent. I planned to make a point at the beginning of the post and then move on to what I wanted to say but it seems to have turned into a post all on its own. The perks of being a writer I guess. So I will save the rest for a future post. 

To bring this full circle I will end this post by saying the usual promise that I plan to write more. But also saying that I plan to write some personal things here. I don't plan to be dramatic, or post a public break up. But I don't plan to post all fluff anymore. It's exhausting trying to seem that perfect and happy, and no one needs that anyway. 

The blogs I read the most are the ones with REAL moms, moms who say fuck a lot, and admit that they aren't perfect moms.The ones who admit when they have a bad day, or that their kid is acting like an asshole.