Thursday, April 24, 2008

A message for you all

I am not perfect. I've never claimed to be. I never thought I was even close. Hell, half the time I don't even see myself as a good person. I make plenty of mistakes.

I know that not all of you agree with my life choices. I know some of you are thinking I'm a pretty shitty person right now. But it's MY life. You don't have to live it, I do. I wasn't happy. You don't know the whole story, you likely never will.

I could give you a thousand justifiable reasons for the choices I have made recently, but if you were my true friend, you would know them, you would understand without me justifying things, and you would be supportive of my happiness, not trying to make me feel horrible about it.

I have felt horrible for who I am for long enough. I am just starting to see that I am a worthwhile person, and that there is a place for me in this world. Rather than before when I felt like if I died, it wouldn't matter to a single person.

Maybe if you are actually my friend, you'll understand that. Or maybe, you'll ask me before you make your own assumptions about my reasons for changing my life.


(2010 Commentary)
This blog was written a month or so after Adam and I announced that we were separating. There were lots of rumors and things going around. I debated putting this up here at all, but I am posting it all, good and bad.

I lost a lot of friends after Adam and I split up. Some were a shock to me honestly, but all in all I'm better without them.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Turtles, sand, and jelly hair

I like to torture my children.

They got a big turtle sandbox for their birthday. It's been sitting in the living room since then, with the promise that it would get sand and they would get to use it when the weather turned warm. Every day they run to the door, demanding to know if it's warm weather yet. Every day I told them no. I almost caved like a week ago, and decided that it was spring enough for them to get sand for it, but luckily I procrastinated, because it got cold again.

They got tired of waiting for me about a week ago and began plotting against the cardboard box that the sandbox is in. It started with some harmless coloring on the box. Followed by ripping some of the paper off. Then it developed a small hole. Finally, in what I consider to be a fairly genius decision, I walked in and found them sawing across the box with the plastic saw they got for christmas.

Today I finally gave in and bought sand for the sandbox. Yesterday while I was out gathering job applications and trying to fix my hair, my father came over with a couple of the guys who work for him, and set up a pretty awesome swing-set in the yard for my littlest people, so it was only fitting that I bring on the sand box now. Did you know they sell colored sand? They have pink, green, and purple. of course its like 6X as much so my deprived children are stuck with boring tan sand.

Hey dammit, I could have REALLY cheaped out and went with kitty litter.

So as I mentioned, I am looking for a job. Which means that the days of crazy hair colors are over for a while. So while trying to end that era, I completly screwed my hair. This is how it went.

I bought this stuff that is supposed to take out temporary dye. Which the crazy colors are. So I followed the instructions on the bottle, which included blow drying for 30 minutes. So at the end of this process, my hair looked...the exact same. Purple dye and all. It didn't change a damn bit. So, in my brilliance, I decided that the next step should be bleaching. Even though my hair got slightly damaged the last time I bleached it, I decided that it would be fine.

So we got the bleach into my hair, and it turned white, almost immediately. But I decided to wait until the roots were bleached too. So I waited. Not long, it was on my hair, maybe 20 minutes. So we rinsed my hair. That's when the "fun" began. There were sections of my hair that were, well, CLEAR. Freaking CLEAR!!! It was also, stretchy, like elastic, and, well, jelly like. It was slimy dammit!

So in my third brilliant choice of the night, I decided to go ahead and attempt to use the dye I had purchased on the hair. Well, in my defense, the dye box said "leaves your hair in better condition" so don't judge me!

So, after the dye was rinsed out, what was supposed to be a nice dark burgundy color, turned out to be, well...FUCKING PURPLE! The exact damn shade I was trying to get rid of! So the slimy, clear, jelly hair, stayed blond. When it dried, it felt like rubbery straw. Every time I brushed it, big clumps of the blond rubbery jelly straw hair came off on the brush.

So the next morning, after I cleared the clumps of hair off my pillow, I headed to the salon. The stylist, was freaked out a bit at the condition of the hair, and recommended a deep conditioning treatment. She actually put 3 types of super conditioner on my hair. She practically ordered me not to do anything to my hair for at least a month or two, and ordered that no bleach should go on my hair until I have all new growth.

But I need a job, so I NEED normal hair dammit!

So I'm trying to dye again tonight, Wish me luck.

Thanks for reading!


Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Licking things and Starting over

Don’t lick anything without asking.

I actually said that to my son yesterday. Just one of those things that comes out of your mouth without even thinking about it. See, I had a box of donuts sitting on the kitchen table. My fault totally, you can’t leave something like that unattended in front of four year olds and expect them to resist. Josh was stalking the donuts, and felt compelled to lick the box. (He’s an odd duck) The problem being that it had one of those peanut allergy warnings on it. So I explained to Josh that the donuts could make him sick, and made the aforementioned phrase without thinking.

Some of you may have heard that Adam and I have separated. I don’t really want to divulge the reasons behind the split, no one person was at fault, and I will not be trash talking Adam, and I don’t see him doing it to me either. We will remain friendly, and work together to co-parent our children, and anger, bitterness, and mud slinging have no place in parenting. Whatever issues there were, don’t much matter at this point, we just need to move on to this next phase of our relationship, as friends, and co-parents.

I would also like to say that I don’t expect any of our mutual friends to take sides. Though if you feel like you would rather be his friend than mine, I won’t hold that against you either.

Thanks for reading my blog.


(2010 Commentary)
I have a great ex-husband. I really do. We are much better friends than we ever were when we had a relationship. He spends lots of time with our children, and is still involved in the day to day decisions. He has never tried to turn any of our mutual friends against me, and I have never tried to turn them against him. He truly is a great father!