Winter Rants

It seems like this time of year I am always posting about my lack of Christmas spirit.

This year, I am more than ready. I am not panicking (too much) over the gifts I do or don't have, and I am really happy with where I am right now. I have a wonderful job with some great people, and I spend a lot of my time at work laughing.

But I wouldn't be Kelli if I didn't find something to bitch about so here are some things I'd like to bitch about in letter form.

Dear Emma,

I know you think it's tons of fun to get out of your bed over and over and over again, but please could you just accept the concept of the toddler bed and stay in it at night?

Love,

Kelli and your daddy.


Dear Eric, Josh, and Braydon,

Yes. Farting can occasionally be funny. So can poop. But omg learn the concept of running a joke into the ground already! When you yell "Poop" or "Fart" at the top of your lungs at 6 o'clock in the fucking morning, YOU are the only one who is gonna see the humor in that. I promise.

Love,

The people who have considered killing to sleep until 8 on the weekends


Dear Winter,

Fuck it's cold. Seriously. Where is my global warming?!

Sincerely,

Someone who won't care if you go away after a white christmas


Dear Stress,

Please stop causing zits. I'm starting to look like a 13 year old over here.

Love,
Zitty Kel


Dear Penguin Stabber,

You are a fucker. I hope you fucking die. I was so excited about getting that inflatable lawn penguin. I was dancing around in the store, and I hugged him as soon as he was inflated. But you are an asshole who can't possibly understand what it's like to get something you've wanted for a long time, only to have some douche come along and stab it.

THREE FUCKING TIMES!

I hate you. If you hate the holidays so damn much then go throw yourself off a bridge or something.

Fuck off,
The person who will kill you if she catches you


Dear Kitties,

Perhaps we could come up with an alternate code for "change the litter box please". I would prefer that you bite my hand repeatedly rather than shitting on the bathroom floor.

Thanks!
The woman who feeds you, and you should remember that


That's all I really have today! Thanks so much for reading.

Happy Holidays, whatever you do or don't celebrate!

Kelli

(2010 Commentary)
Emma still gets out of bed at night, the boys still get up at 6 am and yell things in the hallway and the cats still shit on the floor. So little changes. *sigh*

Cooking With Kelli

I tried something new for Thanksgiving this year. See, I like bacon. No I LOVE bacon. Sometimes in my head I'm like that dog from that commercial. "Iiiiit's BACON! Bacon bacon bacon!"

So when Alex showed me this idea online for turkey, I had a foodgasm, then I knew it would be done.

Bacon wrapped turkey!

See, you start with some bacon.



Then you get yourself a big ass turkey.



Then you wrestle that bird, force it into submission, and make it your bitch. Your bacony bitch. You'll know you've won when it looks like this:




I also stuffed onions, garlic, and butter into it's crevices, then I baked it in one of those oven bags.

This is what it looked like before we ate it:




I'm completly serious when I say that that was the best turkey I have ever had. Oh yes. I have tons more in the fridge and I'm lusting after it right now.

Next time you are making a turkey, then you NEED to try this.


(2010 Commentary)

I had it again this year, and I still have the opinion that this turkey puts all others to shame!