Winter Rants

It seems like this time of year I am always posting about my lack of Christmas spirit.

This year, I am more than ready. I am not panicking (too much) over the gifts I do or don't have, and I am really happy with where I am right now. I have a wonderful job with some great people, and I spend a lot of my time at work laughing.

But I wouldn't be Kelli if I didn't find something to bitch about so here are some things I'd like to bitch about in letter form.

Dear Emma,

I know you think it's tons of fun to get out of your bed over and over and over again, but please could you just accept the concept of the toddler bed and stay in it at night?

Love,

Kelli and your daddy.


Dear Eric, Josh, and Braydon,

Yes. Farting can occasionally be funny. So can poop. But omg learn the concept of running a joke into the ground already! When you yell "Poop" or "Fart" at the top of your lungs at 6 o'clock in the fucking morning, YOU are the only one who is gonna see the humor in that. I promise.

Love,

The people who have considered killing to sleep until 8 on the weekends


Dear Winter,

Fuck it's cold. Seriously. Where is my global warming?!

Sincerely,

Someone who won't care if you go away after a white christmas


Dear Stress,

Please stop causing zits. I'm starting to look like a 13 year old over here.

Love,
Zitty Kel


Dear Penguin Stabber,

You are a fucker. I hope you fucking die. I was so excited about getting that inflatable lawn penguin. I was dancing around in the store, and I hugged him as soon as he was inflated. But you are an asshole who can't possibly understand what it's like to get something you've wanted for a long time, only to have some douche come along and stab it.

THREE FUCKING TIMES!

I hate you. If you hate the holidays so damn much then go throw yourself off a bridge or something.

Fuck off,
The person who will kill you if she catches you


Dear Kitties,

Perhaps we could come up with an alternate code for "change the litter box please". I would prefer that you bite my hand repeatedly rather than shitting on the bathroom floor.

Thanks!
The woman who feeds you, and you should remember that


That's all I really have today! Thanks so much for reading.

Happy Holidays, whatever you do or don't celebrate!

Kelli

(2010 Commentary)
Emma still gets out of bed at night, the boys still get up at 6 am and yell things in the hallway and the cats still shit on the floor. So little changes. *sigh*

Cooking With Kelli

I tried something new for Thanksgiving this year. See, I like bacon. No I LOVE bacon. Sometimes in my head I'm like that dog from that commercial. "Iiiiit's BACON! Bacon bacon bacon!"

So when Alex showed me this idea online for turkey, I had a foodgasm, then I knew it would be done.

Bacon wrapped turkey!

See, you start with some bacon.



Then you get yourself a big ass turkey.



Then you wrestle that bird, force it into submission, and make it your bitch. Your bacony bitch. You'll know you've won when it looks like this:




I also stuffed onions, garlic, and butter into it's crevices, then I baked it in one of those oven bags.

This is what it looked like before we ate it:




I'm completly serious when I say that that was the best turkey I have ever had. Oh yes. I have tons more in the fridge and I'm lusting after it right now.

Next time you are making a turkey, then you NEED to try this.


(2010 Commentary)

I had it again this year, and I still have the opinion that this turkey puts all others to shame!

I love my job! (Not Sarcastic at all!)

There are several things I have learned in the last few months as a preschool teacher, so I'm sharing them with you, in blog form.

1. Some parents will do anything to not have to deal with their kids for a few hours.


In the germ factory where I work, children get sent home sometimes. Fevers, diarrhea, and vomiting are typical reasons they leave. The rule is the child has to be well for 24 hours before they return. You wouldn't believe how often I'll send a child home at say 10:23am, only to have the child reappear the next day at 10:24am miraculously cured of all ills. (Of course they usually get sent home again when the Tylenol wears off)


2. A majority of my job is repeating the same things over and over.


Typical five minute period in Kelli's day (all names are fake, no real children are mentioned here cause I like my job thankyouverymuch)


"Time to clean up, class! David, put the markers away, it's clean up time! Stacy, put the blocks away! Jake turn off the computer and help pick up toys. David! I said put the markers up please. Stacy! We don't throw blocks at our friends! Jake! Computer off please! David, you need to stop coloring and clean up! Jake you need to stop playing the computer game! Stacy why did you just dump all the blocks out?!" This continues until I walk over and stop each child, and redirect them to the cleaning. Though this example contains three children rather than the 15-20 I deal with daily.



3. Sometimes children will intentionally blow or rub their snotty noses on you when they are mad at you.

This is the least fun part of my job.



4. You may think this doesn't need to be said, but omg does it ever. When sweet innocent Lisa walks up and says "Smell my hands Miss Kelli" DO NOT DO IT!


This doesn't really need clarification does it?



5. 3 and 4 year olds cannot stay in a straight line no matter how hard you try.


They are so easily distracted, it's not even funny.



6. My children are awesome.


Seriously, they are.

7. Kids DO say funny things!



One day while talking to a student, he described tripping and falling. To give him sympathy, I shared that I fall down a lot. His response? "Is that because you never learned to walk the right way?" I had to laugh and agree with him. Of course I can't remember half the things they say that make me laugh daily, but trust me they are great.

Even the nose blower. LOL


8. Kids eat strange crap.


Ranch dressing in chili. Ketchup on bread. Ketchup in applesauce. Bread dipped in milk. Turkey mixed with strawberries. Drop all your cookies in your milk, leave for 10 minutes then drink the slime. Salad with ranch and french dressing. Chicken sandwiches with BBQ, ketchup, mustard, and ranch.


9. I love my job.

It's not the job you think it is. It's not playing with toys and coloring all day. Mostly my job consists of trying to keep structure in chaos, while trying to help them learn. It's not a job you do to pay the bills. It's a job if you love children. Which I do.



That's all I have to say for now. I hope you all have a great day.


Thanks for reading!

Kel


(2010 Commentary)

I truly did love this job. It's been very hard for me to adjust to not having this job. It's still hard.

I love Hannah!

So I crawled into bed with Hannah, who is four and a half. She likes to ask lots and lots of silly questions until we both end up giggling. This night the following conversation took place.

Hannah: Mommy who made me?
Me: Mommy and Daddy did.
Hannah: Who made Josh?
Me: Mommy and daddy.

This continues for a few minutes about everyone she knows, some of them twice.

Hannah: Mommy? How did you make me?
Me: (panic) Ummm... with love! (Here I crossed my fingers and hoped that was good enough for her)
Hannah: What did you make me with?
Me: What do you mean?
Hannah: What stuff did you make me with? How did you make me? Did you sew me?
Me: (giggling) No I didn't sew you!

I ended up giving her a basic explanation of how sometimes when mommies and daddies love each other a lot a daddy can plant a seed and a baby grows.

Tonight she was questioning me on why I had three babies when some of my friends just had one.

I wasn't sure how to explain that one. I told her that I was got very lucky and grew three babies instead of one.

A Movie Review

So, I think I may have just seen the best worst movie ever.

I'm about to ruin the movie Teeth, so if you have a desire to see it, don't read this shit. Kthxbai!

Ok so. There's this virgin chick. All about the virginity. Gives speeches to other kids about how awesome virginity is, won't even be alone with a boy out of fear he might look at her the wrong way and steal her virginity. So she meets this guy at one of her virgin rallies. The next day goes on a group date to see a g-movie. Later that night she almost twiddled herself. But then she freaked out because that's against the virgin rules apparently.

So the next day, she calls and dumps the guy. But then she freaks out over something and decides to call him and ask him to meet her at the sex cave in the woods. They make out for a bit, then she changes her mind. He jams it in anyway, screaming "It's ok, you'll still be pure in the eyes of the lord!" and "I haven't even masturbated since Easter."

So then, the best part.

Really.

Seriously.

Her vagina bites off his dick! Then spits it out! I expected this. I knew what I was getting into with this movie. But seriously. I almost died laughing.

So she goes home on her bike. Freaks out for a couple of days, and tries to google that shit. Then she goes to the gynecologist. Only, he's a pervy gyno who takes off his glove and fists her. Said he needed to check her flexibility. So the vagina bit off four of his fingers. She ran out while he was screaming about her vagina.

So anyway. She read on the googles, that a hero needed to conquer her vagina. So after a return to the cave with a hilarious thing I won't ruin, she goes and bangs a guy from school she thinks likes her. He gets her off and he gets to keep his cock, until the second round when he answer's his cell talking about how he won the bet and banged the big virgin, then her vagina got mad and he lost his wiener.

So then she goes on a penis eating mission and the movie ends with her giving a big toothy grin to a creepy old man.

So the movie was horrible, I expected that going in. But seriously there were so many metaphorical vaginas and cheesy ass jokes. It was like the director KNEW it was a shitty plot and thought he might as well have some fun with that. The acting was terrible.

I got many good laughs from this movie, but I'm pretty sure it was supposed to be a serious horror film.

So I guess if you want to watch an unintentional comedy with bad acting, and lots of sex that ends very very badly, then you should go watch Teeth. Though, I don't recommend spending any money whatsoever to make that happen.

Thanks for reading!

~Kel

Hell Week

So this has been a week from hell. Just a bad bad week. It seemed like everything that could go wrong, did, and spectacularly. I won't bore you to death by listing all the things that went wrong for me. No one likes to read a blog that's just bitching right? So, let me think of the good that happened this week and go from there.

I finally got the job I wanted. I started at Head Start as a Paid Aide on a temporary basis for a teacher's aide that was on leave. Then, when the other teacher's aide went on leave, they hired me as a temporary employee. I think this was because I was the only paid aide that showed up consistently. The only other reliable paid aide at the time was this great older woman who unfortunately couldn't work more than 2 or 3 days a week.

So last week sometime, the main office decided that one of the teacher's aides that were on leave wouldn't be coming back, so they hired me full time as of Monday. This is great news, because I am always so nervous when I don't have health insurance which I'll have December 1^st.

I watched The Happening last night. I thought it was kinda lame. If you haven't watched it, and plan to, skip to the next paragraph. But I thought it was a whole lot of lame shit to sit through only to find out that plants are getting even with the people for not taking care of the planet. Personally, I think if you are going to make a movie about murderous plants, it should be over the top and cheese to let your audience know how stupid you know the idea is. I refer you to Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, and Little Shop of Horrors.

Right this moment as I type there are two little boys brushing my hair. I love moments like this. I have some of the sweetest children.

Last night was the first time Alex's kids got to stay with us, and it was so much fun. Adding two kids to the bedtime routine wasn't as hard as I thought it would be, but yesterday was an unusual day, so we can't really count that as the standard. They might have been exhausted from Trick or Treating, or the 6 hour car trip they had that day. Tomorrow night we will know for sure, because they get to stay again.

I don't think I have much else to say. I hope that you didn't have a week from hell too.

Thanks for reading!

~Kel

Frozen Stalkery

I have a stalker, it seems.

It all began a few weeks ago. It was directly after payday, I was at home, with Alex, and all of the kids. By all, I mean, my four and Alex's two. We were sitting around, waiting for a pizza to bake, and we heard music. The music that generates joy in children hearts, and fear deep into the bowels of parents.

The Ice Cream van.

Alex and I looked at each other in fear and he said "Uh-oh." At that moment, Morgan heard the music, and ran to the door with the others close behind. Since I had just gotten paid, and was in a great mood that day, I ordered Morgan to run after it. They saw her, and pulled over. When they saw the train of children pouring out of my house, their eyes turned to $$s. Just like on the cartoons. No really. (Ok fine, not really)

So we bought 8 things from them. and they drove away happy. It wasn't until later that Alex mentioned his observation while I was distracted by the ordering and the paying.

There was a playpen in the back of this van, behind the freezer. With a toddler in it.

The fuckers were driving around town with a toddler in a playpen in their van.

So I decided that would be the last time I patronized that particular ice cream van. (I urge those of you in C'ville not to either)

Unfortunately, they haven't gotten the hint. My house made their list of high sales areas. At least once a week they drive by, luring my children to the door, causing them to beg, and whine for ice cream. I have even seen this van drive to just past my house, and stop for a good minute or so just to make sure we knew they were there.

They kicked it up a notch today though.

They have driven by, not just once or twice, but 3 fucking times so far! 3!!!!

Take the freaking hint! I don't want your horrible parent germ tainted frozen novelties!

~Kel

(2010 Commentary)

They still drove by once a week at least this past summer, and I have still stuck to my plan of not buying ice cream from them. When I posted this the first time I did get some comments about how they were just trying to make a living, and maybe they had no other place for their child to go. But I still maintain that there was a safer option.

A blog I wrote today

This was written while I was at work, trying to stay awake during break time.

Enjoy!

I'm blogging to you live from my work. Ok, technically, it's not live, since I'm typing now, and plan to post later, but you get the point, right?

Things have been quite busy for Kelli lately. I go to work at 6 am. Those of you who know me will be quite shocked to hear that I haven't been late yet. I leave work usually at 2:30, assuming that the other teacher's aide in my class hasn't done something to make me leave late. Evenings are spent on dinner, and soccer for the triplets. (Soccer pics soon) Then at night, I have to work my college stuff around my TV addiction. Thank Jeebus for DVR. It's the best invention EVAH!

Weekends are usually spent relaxing, and catching up on the homework that I procrastinated during the week.

Morgan turns 11 this week. It's just crazy to me how fast the time has gone. She's in that stage where she's becoming more mature, but at the same time, trying to hold onto childhood. Buying birthday gifts at this age is really difficult. I know that any toys she would get, have maybe a month or so of playing before she decides its too babyish, but on the other hand clothes is a sucky gift when you are 11. The other option, is electronics, but she is just so clumsy (where's she get that from?) and scatterbrained, that I don't want to get her a lot of electronics.

The trio are enjoying school. They seem to enjoy the fact that mommy is across the hall every day they are at school. There have been times where I've had reason to be where they are, and they seem to think it's ok to abandon all the school rules just because I am standing there. We are working on that.

School is going well I think. I have a 95% in one class, and I'm 1/3 of the way through it. I have a 97% in the other class, and I am halfway through that one. My personal goal is to not finish any class with less than 90%. I hope that I can pull it off. I never cared too much about grades in high school, but now that I'm paying for it, and finally doing what I've wanted to for so long, I feel like I owe it to myself to do well.

I've been having a lot of fun at work. I get to so a lot of fun things. I made a huge tree out of paper bags to hang in our classroom, I'll post a picture of it on here. I also got to paint pumpkins on our classroom door. When it gets closer to halloween, I'll paint faces on the pumpkins. But, corporate rules are that we can't technically celebrate Halloween, so the faces on the pumpkins have to be made up of geometric shapes.

Well I have 10 minutes of power left so I need to sign off, and figure out what else to do. Thanks for reading a rambly blog that didn't say too much!

~Kel


(2010 Commentary)
I miss the creativity of decorating the classroom. I really do.

Update on Kelli's world!

So it's been quite a while since I updated.

I apologize for that, I've been quite busy. Forgive me? Ok great, lets move on.

I am no longer employed by Wal-Mart. I was offered a better job. Better in the sense that it's a hell of a lot more fun, full time, and I'll get to see 3/4s of my children at work on a daily basis after Sept. 2nd. So How could I turn that down? I work at the triplet's preschool, by the way. Lots of fun to be had there!

In other news, thanks to the assistance of someone I've known for like 20 years or more, I will be going back to school starting September 8th. My classes will be online, but it's not one of those crap schools, its a real school, and its the same exact degree I'd get if I actually went to the school. So yay me! I've wanted to go back to school for a long time, but something or other has stopped it from happening, not to mention I lacked the confidence to try. But hey, even if I fail miserably, I won't be sitting around feeling all pathetic for not even trying.

I was in a car accident not that long ago. An 88 year old woman ran a stop sign, and ran right into my van. The kids were in the van too. No one was hurt, except the van. So her insurance payed for the repairs, and new car seats for the trio, and a sweet ass rental van that I didn't want to give back. Unfortunately, Kelli has been a bit short of cash lately, and car insurance was one of those things that got neglected. So I'm in some trouble now.

Not a whole lot else happening in Kelli's world, but perhaps I'll leave you with this bit of advice that Alex is now well aware of:

Kelli is clumsy. If you loan her your scooter to play on, not only will the scooter return scratched, but she will return with a bruise the size of a grapefruit on her thigh.

Thanks for the read!

Kel

Life lessons, cliffhangers, and being kicked

My children learned some pretty hard lessons this week. Lessons that everyone needs to know as they grow in this world, but they are tough lessons that just can't be explained properly.

Josh, learned two lessons this week. Neither pleasant.

First he learned that when your brother stands on your, well, tender bits, it causes extreme pain, tears, and a belly ache. I think this is a lesson any of my male blog readers will recall learning several times in their lives.

The second lesson Josh learned applies to both sexes. He learned that when you stick your hand in your mouth, and down your throat, that this action brings forth vomit. Poor Josh has vomited before, but never in this manner.

Poor Morgan learned perhaps the most serious of lessons. That when you leave your bedroom windows unlocked, it makes it quite possible for someone to open said window and screen in the night, and grab your head to wake you up. Causing screaming, and running across the room. Luckily, the grabber was me. I accidentally locked Alex and myself out of the house when we went for a late night dip in the pool, and I went to wake her up to let me in. I was of course not intending to scare the holy hell out of her, but perhaps it was a good thing. She hasn't left her windows unlocked since.

The other night, in a conversation, my loving (?) boyfriend Alex made the following statement:

"You make me want to kick you." (he paused for a second then continued) "In a loving way, of course. Painfully loving, but loving."

I don't think that was very nice of him.

So Alex and I were having a discussion the other night, about life's little cliffhangers. He and I are both people watchers. A lot of the time, you witness little dramas or incidents, and then you never get to see how they turn out.

Friday, we went to Indiana Beach, and went to a concession stand for drinks. The first concerning thing was that the two teen girls inside were too busy screwing around to pay attention to the fact that there were people in line. Then one girl looked at the other, and said "Damn, you have a big head!" So Big Head Girl (BHG from now on) grabs a butcher knife, and pretends to threaten the other girl. They then decided we were worthy of placing our order, and began to prepare it. BHG asked Girl 1 a question, earning the phrase "You are fucking retarded." from Girl 1. Then they began throwing ice at each other. The slushes we ordered tasted oily, and chemically. After they were replaced, I went to the park office, and complained about the girl's behavior. I was mostly just pissed off that they were acting that way in front of children. MY children. The woman I complained to was visibly angry, and went to immediately find a manager. But we never found out what happened after that.

A second example, Alex and I were driving to Lafayette this weekend, and we got stuck behind a really slow car. But as we drove on, I realized it wasn't just a slow driver, the person was all over the road. Crossing the center line on several occasions, and having many near misses. I called the police from my phone, but we were stuck behind the person for another 20 minutes or so, and nothing ever happened, so hopefully, they didn't kill anyone.


Thanks to those that were worried about my kitty. He has an infection, and has been taking kitty antibiotics, and is getting checked again in two weeks.

Thanks for reading,

Kel

A Deep Survey (Thanks Em!)

Can You Spill Your Deep Dark Secrets?

Who is the last person that hurt your feelings? This morning when Eric found out I had the day off he cried because that meant Grandma wasn't coming.

Would you consider plastic surgery? Yes. I have serious plans for a tummy tuck someday.

What is bothering you at this moment? Physically, my feet hurt. Emotionally, worrying about whether I'm a good mother.

Ever started a rumor about someone? No.

Whats the craziest reason why you broke up with someone? I don't know. It takes a lot for me to break up with someone.

Have you ever been accused of cheating on a partner? Yeah.

Ever lied about your age? Maybe when I was younger, to seem older. But I wouldn't lie to seem younger.

Last time you masturbated? It's been a few weeks. Haven't felt the need to.

Ever felt the need to change yourself for someone? Hmm. I've wanted to be a better person, to make the people I care about proud of me, but I don't want to change who I really am.

When is the last time you prayed? When I was a child and still believed such things made a difference.

Do you watch porn? rarely.

Have any of your ex's turned gay? Hmmm. No. I was going to go on a date with someone once who later told me that he was actually gay, and wasn't admitting it to himself yet.

What do you wish you did for a living? Writing books.

What is worse a cheater or a liar? Neither is worse than the other.

Do you still have stuffed animals? Of course! lol

Do you dance around in your underwear? not usually. I dance in the shower though, which might not be wise since I am a klutz.

Do you own a dildo or vibrator? Yep.

Are you a picky person? yes

Do you wish your boobs were bigger? Oh no. My boobs are glorious and I love them just the way they are.

What do you find yourself doing while laying in bed? Sleep mostly. Occasionally TV or a book and...

Ever been skinny dipping? Sadly, no.

How many times have you checked up on your ex? Hmm. I don't check up on him, but I talk to him at least every other day. Mostly about the kids though.

Do you consider yourself trust worthy? I don't know. Mostly yes.

Ever used a fake ID or one that wasn't you? no

How old was your oldest sexual partner? hmmm. Same age as me usually. the biggest age difference was 10 years though.

Have you ever faked an orgasm? What's the point?! If you fake it the guy thinks he doing things right! Unless of course he doesn't care if you have one or not, but it's pointless then too.

If your last ex apologized would you get back with them? no

What family member are you closest to? My brother Shawn.

What does death teach us about life? that it ends at anytime.

If nothing was holding you back, where would you live and why? Hmm. Ireland. In the US, probably just move a lot.

When was the last time you cried? Saturday.

What is the earliest memory you have of a sibling? My earliest memory of Shawn is being a year or two old, and standing in my crib, I had torn my diaper up (again) and Shawn walked in and yelled "Uh-oh Mom! She did it again!" The first of many tattlings.

What is the earliest photograph of yourself that you have that you remember when it was taken? My brother and I on a couch. I was maybe 3. He and I both have our mouths open showing off our gum. My mom sent it to my dad while he was in jail.

How did you meet your first boyfriend or girlfriend? Skate corral!

Describe your typical day, from wake to sleep. Wake up. Drive Alex wherever he needs to be. Make breakfast. Watch TV and play with kids. Make lunch. Go to work. Come home. Late night dinner with Alex, then TV or movie, then sleep.

What would be your ideal birthday present, and why? gift cards or money. Or something that the person picked out that is just perfect for me.

Think of a loved one that you have lost. If you could ask this person one question, what would you ask, and what do you think they would say? I'd have so many questions. Too many to list.

What is the best advice you ever received? That I've spent most of my life doing everything I can to make other people happy, usually causing my own misery, and that it was time for me to start doing things to make me happy.

If you were to die today what would like people to say about you? That I was a great mother, and a caring person.

If you could be anybody, who would you be? myself only thinner and richer!

What is the most important aspect of your life and why? My children. Why wouldn't they be?!

Where would you travel, if you could go anywhere? Ireland first. England. Then all over the US.

What time period you would like to be born in? I like this one. I couldn't live without internet!

If your best friend came to you depressed and upset like you've never seen before, how would you react? I'd do whatever it takes to fix it. Just like she does with me.

Would you be a different person today if you had a different childhood? Yes.

If you could build a car customized just for you, what would it contain? I'd get a Purple Mustang convertible with a black top. (the chauffeur would drive behind me with the kids. LOL)

When have you realized you were really wrong in your judgment about someone? It happens too often.

How do you react when you realize you've made a mistake? I'm way too hard on myself about it.

If you had to sacrifice one of your senses (taste, touch, smell, sight, hearing), which would you choose and why? I couldn't choose. I love to eat, so taste and smell is good. I love my children, so I want to see and hear them, and I am a very touchy feely person. So I can't lose that either.

Who has more power the government or the people? government because all the people let them.

Did I recently have an interesting conversation? Usually I try to have interesting conversations.

Who is the person that I feel has altered the course of my morals and values, and how did they effect me? I have no idea.

What is my earliest or happiest memory? Playing in the snow with my brother.

Which amendment to the constitution is the most important to you and why? I have no idea.

Is speech always free? When and where might it not be free? Hardly ever. lol You never get to say the things you want to say.

When were you the happiest this year? I'm fairly happy right now.

Recall a place, person or event, what emotion do you remember feeling most strongly? The intense love I felt the days my babies were born.

Which friend has had the greatest impact on your life and why? Tammy always tells me when I'm fucking up. I don't always listen, but she's usually right.

Describe your dream house, room by room. Damn that would make this so long. Lots of rooms, lots of yard.

Imagine you are attending your dream concert—what songs would you want to be played? What does the stage look like? Seeing the Cure with me right up front!


If you could learn any new language, which one would you choose and why? Hmm. I don't know.

What are a few qualities you dislike in other people, and why? Dishonesty. Selfcenteredness.

What music makes you want to get up and dance? Why don't you? 80s. I don't because I cannot dance.

How would you spend your time if you were wealthy? Traveling.

What is one of your most personal hopes and dreams? Write a book.

How do others see you? Shy at first. Usually.

What would you do if you had all the money in the world? What would be the point!?

Complete this sentence: Love is… I thought of at least 3 cliche lines to end that with. But I don't know how to really end it. Lets say, often painful, and messy, but very much worth it.

What are you most grateful for? My babies.

Why is your best friend your best friend? Because she knows when I'm bullshitting her and calls me on it. She also keeps me in perspective.

What is a place that inspires you? Somewhere quiet and woodsy.

What is the best decision you have ever made in your life? My choice to be a mommy.

Will You Impress A Person By Fighting Someone to get them to Like You? no

Do You Have demons in your life? ummm? No.

Have You Ever Wanted To Be The Best Person In The World? who wants to be that? Perfection is overrated.

Are You Happy? yes. Right now, I am.

My Job

Not much time for blogging lately I'm afraid. They have me working as many hours as they can without calling me "Full Time" even though I'm getting part time pay and benefits.

This is my 100th blog, but no one ever submitted questions like I asked, so I have none to answer. Thanks to those of you who read my blogs. Are there any of you that have actually read them all?

There are good parts and bad parts about the new job.

Bad parts are: Well the working all the time thing. The other day, a manager made me take out my lip ring. I've worked with 3 managers higher up than her, and non of them made me take it out. Also, I was one of 7 employees walking around with a facial piercing. *I* was the only one told to remove it. I also don't like being away from my children. Today Eric cried because he wanted to go to work with me, and I had to tell him no.

Plus, I miss things.

The other day, I was in the bathroom, getting ready for work, and I heard screams of laughter from the living room. I heard a thunder of feet as the trio ran down the hallway. Josh came running into the bathroom, giggling madly yelling "Willy Wonka farted!"

Today I have been given a group of stuffed animals that I am ordered to take to work with me. I will tell the kids that I carried them around all night. Of course it will be a lie. I will have to leave them in the car.

The good things about my job are, well, the women I work with are all really nice and friendly. Plus the added bonus of people watching.

Well, I have to go make lunch for my kids, and then get ready for work. Thanks for reading.

~Kel

A day in my world

My kids are a constant source of amusement. I say that a lot, but for those of you who know them, you know it is true. I'm not just doing that whole mom blind spot thing where I'm bragging about things that aren't true.

Want some proof? Why not read several snippets from a day in Kelli's world:

Yesterday, somewhat spontaneously, it was decided that a trip to the Zoo was in order for the Sunday activity. We got up fairly early for a Sunday, and had some breakfast before heading out. Now, I always ambitiously set a time I'd like to leave by, and almost always fail miserably at it. I think we left town at 10:30ish. Of course, part of that lateness was due to forgetting the zoo pass at home. But we won't dwell on my forgetfulness, ok? Ok.

So... I have always been fascinated by toddler/preschooler conversations. When one or two or even three toddler/preschoolers have a conversation, the results are usually hilarious. I get to overhear these conversations a lot. But the funniest times are when I hear just a bit of a conversation, and I don't know what came before, or what came after, but what I did hear just throws me. For example. While driving today, I heard the following from my Josh:

"I am freaking out! There was a girl there, and she freaked out on me!"

Now. If any of you know what the hell that's about, feel free to explain in the comments.

We arrived in Indianapolis today, to find that the exit Google Maps wanted us to take was closed. Luckily it was one of those exits that right after it, is an exit to the same street going the opposite direction. So we were quickly back on track, or so we thought...

We quickly encountered a traffic officer. Waving us to turn the way we did not want to turn. I took this in stride, expecting to just turn at the next road, and go back. Oh but NoooooooOOoooOOOoo...

As I was driving, I noticed that every turn going that direction, also had an officer waving people away. Around this time, I noticed a giant, massively huge, long ass line of motorcycles. It was at this moment that I realized that I had been hearing about some huge ride for charity on the radio recently, and decided this was probably it. So I drove up the road, and then got a little lost.

Now, here is another fun Mommy moment:

Frustrated with my inability to cross one MAIN road in Indy (W. Washington for those in the know) and the fact that I was all turned around and lost, the following conversation took place:

Me: (to Alex) Ugh! I don't even know where I am right now!

Alex opened his mouth to respond, when from the back of the van came:

Josh: Hey Alex! (this was yelled)

Alex: (distractedly, because we were trying to figure out what to do next) What Josh?

Josh: Where's my mom at?

Alex: (points at me, still distracted) She's right there.

Josh: Hey Mom! You're right there! That's where you are!

Laughter followed.

We eventually arrived at the zoo. And headed to have lunch. The lunch came with animal crackers, and the kids weren't too hungry. After lunch they decided they didn't want the crackers. Josh gave me his bag to eat, and Eric gave his bag to Alex. I was talking to Eric, shortly after, and offered him a cookie from Josh's bag. Eric just bit the head off, and walked away. It was at this point that Alex looked into the bag of cookies Eric had gifted him, and found that all of them were headless. He had eaten only the heads.

Other amusement came in the form of animal confusion. When we got to the Rhino area, Eric yelled "Look a triceratops!" Josh later pointed at the Ostriches and said he wanted to go see the big chickens. I corrected him and told him what they were. A few minutes later, he was calling them "sausages." Sort of sounds the same, right?

I love my kids!

My next blog is my 100th. So, if you read this, send me as many random questions as you can think of, and I will do my best to answer them all in my next blog!

Thanks for reading!

~Kel

Stress, Drunks, and Stone Temple Pilots!

Stress sucks.

The job search isn't going well. The only place that has responded to my resume asked some crazy, and possibly illegal stuff on the application. Stuff that makes me not even remotely interested in working there. But, they called for an interview, and I'm going to go, because recent events have moved me into the DESPERATE category as far as needing a job.

Habitat for Humanity has been doing a bit of harassment lately. Mostly it consists of begging Adam and I to go to counseling. We have both explained, that it wasn't a sudden decision, that we have had problems for a long time, and finally decided we just couldn't make it work. They don't listen though. They think that it is based upon temporary hiccups in life.

So now their thing is, that they think that I can't afford to keep the house on my own. With the child support, alone, it will be tight, but I can do it. But they won't consider the fact that I will (hopefully) have a job soon, and that I have family to help in the meantime. So they are threatening to take my house. They say even though I have enough to make all the payments, if I hit one speed bump, I wouldn't be able to handle it.

I'd say 90% of the people in the US are living paycheck to paycheck just like that.

So yesterday I got to go to Carb Day. It was pretty cool. I only got to see the cars run for 11 minutes, because of the rain, but seeing Stone Temple Pilots was worth being in the rain all day! The concert was full of more assholes than usually found in a concert crowd, but I think that was directly proportionate to the fact that you were allowed to bring beer or whatever into the track, so 75% of the crowd was smashed.

The cops were standing over the crowd with paintball guns that had like pepper balls in it. Little balls filled with pepper spray or mace. Whenever someone got out of control, or a fight started, they were pepper balled. Someone near us was shot, and that sucked. My eyes burned, I couldn't stop coughing, and my nose wouldn't stop itching. I also got a wicked headache.

I've always been surprised at the helpful group mentality at a concert. My first concert was like Spin Doctors and Gin Blossoms, I think, and I got in the pit, it wasn't a brutal pit, but I was always surprised at how when someone fell down, those nearest to the faller would stop and make sort of a blockade to protect the fallen from being trampled until they were up again. Even though the crowd was mostly composed of drunk and/or stoned assholes, that attitude was still there.

A girl trying to force her way to the front, tried to get by me. I was trying to hold the spot I was in, so I lied and told her I couldn't move. So she just sort of threw her drunken whore ass between me and the couple I was near, she succeeded in knocking over about 7 people. When the couple got up, the guy started yelling at her, and a fight almost broke out. But everyone around us, who saw what happened, started yelling "Push this bitch to the back." and they all pushed in front of her until she was way back in the back. They passed the word along with her about what she did.

My oldest, Morgan was at the concert, and my brother and Step-Dad hung out with her, so Alex and I could push to the front, so they took Morgan over by the State Police post near the crowd so that it would be mostly safe for her, and she wouldn't be subjected to the usual concert goer behavior (drugs, insanity, and boobie flashing). Morgan stood on a cooler to get a better view, cause she's just short, and at one point a drunk girl knocked her off the cooler stumble/dancing as drunk girls do. Another random drunk girl witnessed this, and apparently ripped her a new ass over knocking over a little girl.

The only part I didn't enjoy about the concert, was that Scott Weiland's constant preaching at the crowd about not drinking too much and not getting out of control. I get that he's all clean now, and I wasn't drinking or anything else, but honestly, it's a bit insulting coming from him. My brother saw him once. He said a group of guys carried him passed out into a bar, the guys all had a bunch of drinks, then carried the still unconscious Scott back out of the bar.

After the concert, there were massive lines at the portable toilets. It was a good 15 or 20 minute wait. Just when Alex got to the front of that potty line, a drunk guy wandered in front of him. Alex said something to him, and the guy said "Look, you are just going to have to kick my ass, because I'm going next." It continued like that for a minute or so, and I was a bit worried, but then the line behind Alex got involved and began getting in the guy's face too, and he just stumbled off.

All in all it was just a great day.

Until Morgan heard something bad and asked me what a blow job was. But that's a story for another time.

Thanks for reading! Sorry I rambled so long!

~Kel

Catching up, and friendly advice

Things have been a bit busy for me lately. I've been applying for jobs all over, being harassed by well meaning community organizations, and running all over town wasting my $4 a gallon gas.

Fun right?

I still have a blog to write, one of those "You've been tagged" things. I think they sound fun, but I've never actually sat and thought about 10 interesting things about me, or whatever the requirement is. I'm not so sure that I have that many points of interest to tell the truth.

I've had the itch to go camping lately. I really really want to, but I have no idea if I have poles for my giant tent, and for something so primitive, it ends up costing a hellavalotta money.

I was just looking over there in the corner and it informs me that this will be the 97th blog I've posted since joining Myspace 3 years ago. Maybe I'll go insane for my 100th and do something unexpected. I'll have to think on that for a bit.

I don't have much else to say, I have a funny thing to post at the end, but, I will leave you with the knowledge that earlier this week, one of my younger children kissed the cat directly on it's butthole. I won't tell you witch one though, it will make it more exciting for you the next time you visit and one wants a kiss...

On to the funny. This was credited to Dennis Miller when I found it, but you know how things on the internet work.

Dennis Miller's Advice to Men About What Women Want

1 - Foreplay is not a privilege; it is a birthright.

2 - If you take her out to a fancy restaurant, don't try to
subtly steer her away from the lobster, Diamond Jim.

3 - Quit blowing smoke up women's asses about the sanctity
and power they possess as lifegivers and come up with some
decent, affordable childcare. That way, maybe poor single
mothers can go to work and get off welfare and we won't have
to listen to any more idiots in Congress blathering about
orphanages.

4 - Equal work for equal pay. Look around you at work, guys.
Look at... say Carl, the brain-dead jack-off in the cubicle
next to you. You could kill Carl, couldn't you, because he's
a slacking, worthless, toady idiot. Now, imagine making 30
percent less than Carl. Hellooo ...

5 - This is very important: during lovemaking, don't ask,
"Who's your daddy?" Even as a joke. All right? It's not
funny.

6 - When her mouth moves, pay attention, words could be
coming out. Words are kind of important.

7 - Pass a law that makes it compulsory for all over-the-
hill rock stars to have women their own age in their videos.

8 - Don't ask her if she came. You're a big boy now,
Clouseau, you should *know* if she came.

9 - Don't tell her how to merge and she won't tell you to
ask for directions.

10 - When she catches you cheating on her and she cuts off
your dick in your sleep, take it like a man.

Thanks so much for reading!

~Kel

Birthday Weekend

It's been a busy birthday weekend, but all in all pretty good. I woke up Friday morning morning, and after the usual routine, decided that what I REALLY needed to start my birthday right, was some food from IHOP. My hope was to get the Whocakes I had before that were in the picture that was my default for a long time, but alas, they were gone. So upon arrival and menu perusal I decided upon Caramel Banana Stuffed French Toast. Yum, right?! French Toast stuffed with banana cream topped with bananas pecans and caramel.

That my friends is a multiple foodgasmic breakfast right there...

Only, they didn't have it. :( So I got plain boring normal french toast. It made me sad.

So then I went home.

The rest of my afternoon was fun. I got some good gifts, two lilac bushes, some tv shows i like on dvd, and a 2 gig card for my phone, a grill, and a gift card to Buffalo Wild Wings!

On my birthday, I did something symbolic. I planted a tree. This seems like a new chapter of my life, so many changes, so much behind me, and so much ahead of me, I felt like I should plant a tree, so that over the years I can look back and see how far I've come, visually.

Friday night my daughter threw me a party. Saturday, I dropped the kids off at my mothers and went traipsing through the woods to find mushrooms. Then I went to dinner, and came home and made dessert.

I got to sleep in the next day, and then went to watch Alex fly his remote control plane, that he won't let me touch, and then took a nap. I picked my kids up at 5 then made use of my new grill with hamburgers, hot dogs, and corn on the grill.

School for the triplets ends NEXT WEEK! omg. What am I going to do?!? lol I'll go crazy. Morgan is in school until the 28th.

Thanks for reading!

~Kel

(2010 Commentary)

The symbolic tree I planted died. The grill didn't last a year, and Alex still won't let me touch his planes.

A message for you all

I am not perfect. I've never claimed to be. I never thought I was even close. Hell, half the time I don't even see myself as a good person. I make plenty of mistakes.

I know that not all of you agree with my life choices. I know some of you are thinking I'm a pretty shitty person right now. But it's MY life. You don't have to live it, I do. I wasn't happy. You don't know the whole story, you likely never will.

I could give you a thousand justifiable reasons for the choices I have made recently, but if you were my true friend, you would know them, you would understand without me justifying things, and you would be supportive of my happiness, not trying to make me feel horrible about it.

I have felt horrible for who I am for long enough. I am just starting to see that I am a worthwhile person, and that there is a place for me in this world. Rather than before when I felt like if I died, it wouldn't matter to a single person.

Maybe if you are actually my friend, you'll understand that. Or maybe, you'll ask me before you make your own assumptions about my reasons for changing my life.

~Kel

(2010 Commentary)
This blog was written a month or so after Adam and I announced that we were separating. There were lots of rumors and things going around. I debated putting this up here at all, but I am posting it all, good and bad.

I lost a lot of friends after Adam and I split up. Some were a shock to me honestly, but all in all I'm better without them.

Turtles, sand, and jelly hair

I like to torture my children.

They got a big turtle sandbox for their birthday. It's been sitting in the living room since then, with the promise that it would get sand and they would get to use it when the weather turned warm. Every day they run to the door, demanding to know if it's warm weather yet. Every day I told them no. I almost caved like a week ago, and decided that it was spring enough for them to get sand for it, but luckily I procrastinated, because it got cold again.

They got tired of waiting for me about a week ago and began plotting against the cardboard box that the sandbox is in. It started with some harmless coloring on the box. Followed by ripping some of the paper off. Then it developed a small hole. Finally, in what I consider to be a fairly genius decision, I walked in and found them sawing across the box with the plastic saw they got for christmas.

Today I finally gave in and bought sand for the sandbox. Yesterday while I was out gathering job applications and trying to fix my hair, my father came over with a couple of the guys who work for him, and set up a pretty awesome swing-set in the yard for my littlest people, so it was only fitting that I bring on the sand box now. Did you know they sell colored sand? They have pink, green, and purple. of course its like 6X as much so my deprived children are stuck with boring tan sand.

Hey dammit, I could have REALLY cheaped out and went with kitty litter.

So as I mentioned, I am looking for a job. Which means that the days of crazy hair colors are over for a while. So while trying to end that era, I completly screwed my hair. This is how it went.

I bought this stuff that is supposed to take out temporary dye. Which the crazy colors are. So I followed the instructions on the bottle, which included blow drying for 30 minutes. So at the end of this process, my hair looked...the exact same. Purple dye and all. It didn't change a damn bit. So, in my brilliance, I decided that the next step should be bleaching. Even though my hair got slightly damaged the last time I bleached it, I decided that it would be fine.

So we got the bleach into my hair, and it turned white, almost immediately. But I decided to wait until the roots were bleached too. So I waited. Not long, it was on my hair, maybe 20 minutes. So we rinsed my hair. That's when the "fun" began. There were sections of my hair that were, well, CLEAR. Freaking CLEAR!!! It was also, stretchy, like elastic, and, well, jelly like. It was slimy dammit!

So in my third brilliant choice of the night, I decided to go ahead and attempt to use the dye I had purchased on the hair. Well, in my defense, the dye box said "leaves your hair in better condition" so don't judge me!

So, after the dye was rinsed out, what was supposed to be a nice dark burgundy color, turned out to be, well...FUCKING PURPLE! The exact damn shade I was trying to get rid of! So the slimy, clear, jelly hair, stayed blond. When it dried, it felt like rubbery straw. Every time I brushed it, big clumps of the blond rubbery jelly straw hair came off on the brush.

So the next morning, after I cleared the clumps of hair off my pillow, I headed to the salon. The stylist, was freaked out a bit at the condition of the hair, and recommended a deep conditioning treatment. She actually put 3 types of super conditioner on my hair. She practically ordered me not to do anything to my hair for at least a month or two, and ordered that no bleach should go on my hair until I have all new growth.

But I need a job, so I NEED normal hair dammit!

So I'm trying to dye again tonight, Wish me luck.


Thanks for reading!

~Kel